I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
