i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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