You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
