No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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