I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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