i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
