And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
