I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
