Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
