hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
