IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They took my balls.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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