Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize