I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
