you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
