What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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