After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize