i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
