Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
