This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
