dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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