My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
why didn't you poke me back
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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