So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
