so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
