Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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