508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
then he tried to convert me to islam
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
