im about as happy as oj after his trial
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize