o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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