i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
