I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
