Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
