Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
