1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
