NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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