She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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