I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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