just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
