We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
