I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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