remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
