So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
