Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
