Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
