I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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