i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
