I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
