this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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