god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
