Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
