Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
50% drunk capacity currently
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize