I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
