i used baking grease as lip gloss
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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