I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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