i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
