Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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