Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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