I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
