So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
