Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
