I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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