this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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