the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
