A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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