the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
