STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
pray to the hookup gods
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
