a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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