Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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