I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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