So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
