Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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