this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
