I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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