Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
