please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
