Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
