I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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