are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
