Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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