she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize