Pappa wants mamma naked
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
