dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
