After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
