; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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