Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
