1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize