On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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