I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
