The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
