pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
