Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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