just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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