I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
