this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The adults are the big ones right?
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