i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
