I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
