John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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