I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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