You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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