no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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