Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
