someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
