I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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