i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
